at 3 am

Just spent another few hours drawing Kamila.
She ws actually asking about that since September, and tonight after few beers with a match from Tinder, seemed like inspiration finally visited me.
Tomorrow is about to start, when I am hoping to work. At least i hope she's gonna call me and tell that help is needed. I am in such an urgent temporary need of money that I dont remember the times i didnt need them.
Probably the roots of my inspiration are even in money as well. God, is there anyone on earth who does not need them?
I feel I am gonna hit myself in case it will be another day off for me.
Only 6 days before leaving back to poland and already started to pack, what the reason if i will not have enough cash to go and send my stuff?
Leaving to poland, where other debts r waiting for me.
Sometimes i feel so much desperate that i start to think of suicide :/
Who would imagine only few hundred bucks would make such a difference to the life

"You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden, even though you have someplace where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone.

You'll see one day when you move out. It just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know? You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start. It's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know?

Maybe that's all family really is: a group of people that miss the same imaginary place."

- Zach Braff (as Andrew Largeman), "Garden State" (2004)